


frustration, pining, and kids being dumb in the name of love

by rubiesanddiamonds



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Stupid Boys being Stupid, peter actually has characterisation!!1!, so many head canon refs, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:12:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4310010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubiesanddiamonds/pseuds/rubiesanddiamonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>seventh year is hard on everyone, but it would be a lot harder if they didn't have each other. (and stopped being ridiculous and just kissed already.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	frustration, pining, and kids being dumb in the name of love

**Author's Note:**

> oh good god it feels so good to finally finish this its been on my phone collecting dust and taking up storage for about a year or so now and iM DONE (i do this thing where i write like crazy on my phone's notes when my insomnia kicks in so i have around 20+ unfinished works that have been there for up to three years)  
> aLSO news on the update front i know i am v bad at uploading new stuff like sometimes i will do three in a month then not touch ao3 or ffn for like half a year; but now, as i am a shoddy employee who finishes their work within the first two hours of being in the office, im going to try to write some more in the time? hopefully? so idk i don't want to say lookout for new stuff and then not update but be aware there may be some new works posted because i really want to get rid of all the unfinished stuff on my phone. ok thanks if you read this i think this is the longest a/n i've ever written.

James was frustrated.

He was frustrated for several reasons, though certain reasons took the top spot.

He was frustrated that he liked Lily Evans so much it was ridiculous, and was still too dumb to ask her out because even though he was dumb, he wasn't stupid, and did realise she was so out of his league it was laughable.

He was frustrated that he was still shit at Herbology and Charms, even though he had tried to make an effort recently, though it seemed to be all in vain.

He was frustrated that his last prank idea had failed so miserably he didn't even want to remember it, let alone call it a Marauder's work.

But most of all, he was frustrated that his two best mates weren't currently shagging, or if they were, was frustrated that they hadn't yet told him.

Evidence of said frustration was apparent at the current situation James found himself in, that situation being Sirius half sitting on Remus' lap, arms around his neck and head in the junction between, occasionally pressing kisses there when he felt Remus was paying too much attention to his homework and not enough on him, and instead of flushing and stuttering like any normal person would when the obvious object of their affections showed them any sign of romantic interaction, Remus would only bat his head softly and tell him "I know you're going to copy this later on, so distracting me means your work is going to be shit too."

James wanted to throw a book at them, or any other heavy projectile in his direct vicinity.

\--

Once again, James was frustrated, though it was at an earlier time than usual, which made him even more frustrated, because he knew this would affect his mood for the rest of the day, and he was hoping he’d wake up early and have a nice breakfast and maybe talk to Lily, and not be as annoyed about the fact he had the worst timetable today as he usually would be, but that plan seemed to be out of the widow.

The reason for his early morning frustration was that he had woken up to Sirius in Remus' bed, snoring contentedly, while Remus slept soundlessly, arms around him.

Peter didn’t seem to give either a second glance and simply announced "dibs on first shower", scratching his stomach underneath his wifebeater, before dragging his feet as he stumbled over to the bathroom door, still half asleep.

His frustration only continued when he asked Sirius what in Merlin's pants that was at breakfast, only to be replied with a simple shrug and a "I woke up in the middle of the night and got lonely", like it was no big deal at all.

\--

"Remus I love you," Sirius said.

"It doesn’t mean shit if you only say it when I do stuff for you," Remus replied easily, as he handed over his recently finished History of Magic essay.

"Remus, I love you even when you don’t do stuff for me, I'd love you even if you hated me, you’re the moon and stars of my life, you’re my reason for waking up in the morning and going to sleep and night, you fill the void left in my soul -"

James tuned them out after that, deciding his friends were all ridiculous, and went back to his Charms revision.

"Uh, Potter, do you want any help with that?" a voice asked him from behind a while later.

He smiled as turned, recognising a head of red hair and bright green eyes, then replied with a thankful "yes please, this shit's ridiculous." He thought he felt butterflies in his stomach, which wasn't very manly of him; then chided himself on his slip up of internalised misogyny. Butterflies were cool and entirely warranted, especially when around Lily Evans.

He decided that Remus and Sirius could do whatever the loving fuck they wanted for the next hour or two, because he'd much rather spend it listening to Evans try to help him understand how to give objects simple, repetitive commands. A lost cause, really.

\--

While he may have ascended the boy’s dorm stairs in a dazed stupor of mind numbing bliss of having nearly three hours of undivided attention from Evans, he knew it couldn’t possibly last, knowing how much life liked to throw ridiculous scenarios and pointless happenings at him.

Life’s apparent love of pissing him off made itself known when, just as they had turned out the lights and James was about to fall asleep -

"Remus come here I'm lonely again," Sirius stage whispers.

Remus made no reply.

"Remussss wake upppp,” he whines, a little louder.

Again, there was no reply.

"I’ll get in with you then, your bed smells like you anyway. It's great."

He could hear sounds of shuffling, and footsteps padding along the wood of the floor, then - "Would it kill you to wait until the other two are asleep?"

"Both of you shut the fuck up and use a Silencing Charm when you bang," Peter says loudly from the back corner of the room.

James fell asleep quickly after.

\--

"Are Remus and Sirius a thing?" Lily had asked at what had now turned into regular study dates. James couldn’t say he disliked the change to his evening. This time around it was him teaching her, as as brilliant as Evans was, Transfiguration wasn't her strong point. He couldn't help but dwell on how well they complemented each other in terms of talent, and how well they had been working together as of late. It made the entirely justified butterflies in his stomach flitter around like someone was constantly swatting them away. Who would swat away butterflies though, he wondered.

"Bugger if I know. I just assume they aren’t because they haven’t told me or Pete. Actually - PETE!" he yelled, and then nodded him over from across the common room. The rest of the students ignored the raise in his voice, used to their antics, and couldn't call anyone out when they were just as loud and obnoxious at times. Oh, the traits of being in the house of the brave and chivalrous. 

"What, I was with Nancy, you giant dick," he said as he approached the two a moment later, glaring.

"Shut up, you can go back in a second,” he said placatingly. “Just wanted to ask if Remus and Sirius had told you anything about their relationship?"

"Dude, you need a life," he said tiredly. "But no. Other than the obvious hints that they’re shagging, they haven’t told me anything."

"S'all I needed mate," James said. "You can go back to Nancy now, bugger off."

"See ya," he said, nodding to the both of them before returning to his seat on the couch.

"As I was saying, neither have said anything to me nor Pete," he relayed.

"I'm sure they'll get together in their own way and time," she said simply, shrugging and tossing her hair over one shoulder before pointing out a line in the text book in front of them, and looking at James for help.

\--

"Pads, you shagging Moony?" James wrote on a piece of parchment before sending it off, letting it slide along the floor like a snake over to Sirius (using a charm Lily had helped him learn how to cast) during Transfiguration, the only class he felt he was good enough in to not listen studiously and take notes on whatever was being said. The whole 'Animagi by the time they were 14' thing sort of convinces him that he can relax and, as long as he goes over the topics like he is doing currently with Lily, should be fine during his NEWTs.

"A man does not kiss and tell," he writes back, deciding to simply lob it back over to him, rather than use some other means. It falls short of his desk, but it was Sirius who threw it, so he allows it. Sirius throws like a baby. Not even an angry toddler who slams down his toys in frustration, but a week old baby who has just learnt to move his arms.

"So you are? Or have?" he writes quickly, and when McGonagall’s back has turned, throws it back. He tries to hide his laugh when it strikes him right on the back of his head. Chaser skills at their best.

"Nah mate," he replied. The parchment misses and nearly hits Hestia, who sits next to him. She doesn’t look impressed. He mouths ‘sorry’ and grabs the ball. Hestia kind of scares him, if he's honest. 

"You dating then? Love doesn’t need sex.” He'd be totally cool if he found out Sirius was ace. He'd be totally cool with whatever, if he's honest, as long as his brother was happy. 

He waits for a while before getting his reply. 

"Prongs, what’s with the questions all of a sudden? Don’t be jealous you’re still my number one ;)"

He knows this is Sirius’ way of saying ‘drop it’, and, indulging him, he does.

"I’d better be."

\--

"Lils, I can't take much more of this. I'm going to go spare," James declared dramatically, throwing himself forward and heaving an exaggerated sigh.

She rubbed his back in a show of comfort. "If it helps any Marlene's being a stupid, ignorant bint about her massively obvious crush on Emmeline Vance.”

“Who?” he asks tiredly, looking at her above his glasses and shirt clad arms.

“Y'know, the Ravenclaw?” she says, and when no recognition passes over his face, “Hestia Jones’ twin.”

His eyebrows rise. “I know her. They’re actually twins? Vance is a lot darker though.”

“No, you idiot,” she grumbles, rolling her eyes. "They just look similar. It's more their attitudes that make people think they're twins. They have this sort of telepathic bond."

"Awesome. Sometimes I think me and Sirius do, but no one confuses us for twins."

"That's because you're black and he's Chinese," she states calmly, flicking his ear.

"He's only half. And also, Marlene's gay? Or bi?" he asks, eyebrows pulling together in confusion. His voice is muffled from his folded arms that he’s resting on.

"Not as gay as Remus, but still pretty gay,” she determines, pulling back from him and dipping her quill into the open inkwell, hair over one shoulder. "She's been out with a few guys before, but I think she prefers girls."

"I like how we have our little scale," he says appreciatively.

"Very helpful in discussing gayness," Lily agrees sarcastically. They’re silent for a moment, Lily making short notes on the paragraph she’s reading, James stewing in his frustration.

"So what do I do? I need your wisdom, Evans dear," he says finally, causing her to pause in her writing and look up at him.

"I would say good old fashioned, third year, shove 'em in a broom closet,” she suggests, crossing one leg over the other, quill down, “but I don’t think that would help. And Sirius is naturally affectionate, and Remus just takes it in stride...” she was quiet for a moment, face pulling together in thought. “Uh, try and set Remus up with someone? No, not my best. I mean, there’s the off chance Sirius’d get jealous - doubtful - and even then, who would we set him up with?" she sighed. "Give me a moment. Mind is still on Transfiguration and Marlene.”

She was quiet for a moment. “It would work on Marlene, though.”

“Hm?”

“Emmeline dating. She'd get annoyed," she explained. "Would Remus pretend date her for Marley? That’s killing one problem.”

"I’ll ask, I doubt he will have anything against it," he says, "always happy to help a fellow pining comrade, that one." Then, “sometimes I think you would have been a better Slytherin.” His tone suggests admiration. “Because you can just whip up plans and predict outcomes from thin air and know how to get what you want. Queen plan-maker and thinker-a header."

"Those aren’t words, dear," she said sarcastically, slightly affectionately.

"You sound like Remus," he tells her, pulling himself up from his slump and shuffling his chair closer to her.

"Shut up and help me with this Transfiguration, you bastard," she says instead.

"Much better."

\--

"Moony, my good friend, my old pal, how is life on this fine day?" James asks jovially the next day, throwing an arm around him.

Remus is understandably wary. James is never happy on the way to Potions. "What do you want, Prongs? I’m even worse than you in this shoddy subject, there’s no point in asking me for answers."

"You wound me. Can't a guy hangs out with his mate?" James asks, mock hurt.

"You can if you stop acting creepy," Remus says, raising his eyebrows and shooting him a suspicious, sidelong look.

"Done and done," James says quickly, dropping his arm and drags his feet in the same way Remus does, loathing the next class just as much as his friend.

"So what is it you want?" he asks tiredly. Remus says everything tiredly when around Sirius or himself, he notices.

"Not what I wanted to ask,” he says, “but going to ask anyway; why do you always sound so fed up when me and Sirius talk to you?"

He raises an eyebrow and smiles slightly. "Because, after several long years of being friends, I have come to know what your 'I've got an idea and I'm going to pester Moony about it' face is, and you’ve got it on right now. It's like dealing with children. And I don't like children."

James pulls an approving expression, nodding shallowly. "Fair enough. But now, what I wanted to ask you was: are you on the market at present?"

"I'm not selling my organs, if that’s what you’re asking."

"Hilarious. Really Moony, give up a life of teaching for the open mike. Your dry wit is endless." James says on a monotone, voice deadpan. "Market as in, go on a date with a really lovely girl called Emmeline Vance to help out a fellow lion in need."

"Excuse me?” he asks, eyebrow raised. James thinks his eyebrows are too expressive. “Prongs, I don’t know if you remember my big coming out thing, but I'm probably not the one to set up with a girl. Ask Sirius. Or Pete."

"No, its okay she doesn’t like guys either,” he rushes out, then slower, “at least that’s what Lily said. She said, and I quote, 'absolute raging lesbian'. Its all good!"

"Prongs?" Remus says.

"Yes, Moons?" he replies happily.

"Are you actually listening to yourself?" he sounds incredulous.

"Hmm?"

"I don’t find girls attractive. She does. Do you see the problem?" Its like he’s talking to a child, he thinks. He really doesn't like kids.

"Merlin, Moony I'm not trying to set you up with her like that!” he cries. “Did you not even listen to me?"

"Enlighten me," he said after a heavy exhale through his nose.

"Like I said, we’re doing this to help out one of our own. Marlene, as you may know, is our beloved griffin sister, who, as it so happens, has a great big lesbian crush on one Emmeline Vance. Me and lovely Lily have devised a plan that if she sees you out with her, on a date to Hogsmeade, having chocolate and butterbeer, happy as a cat on a rug, she will release her inner lion and swoop in to punch you, claiming her woman. And, we chose you as our target, as you, as you have so rightly pointed out, will not form attachments to said girl, unlike our untrustworthy brothers in arms, Sirius and Peter."

Remus exhales a long sigh, like his soul was trying to free itself from its confines of his skinny frame. "If she agrees to it then sure, I'll 'go out' with her. She’s nice enough, we’re in Arith together, so it won't be too awkward, I suppose." He sounds tired again.

"Moons, the spirit of Godric is truly within you."

\--

As luck would have it, Remus found himself escorting Emmeline to Hogsmeade the next weekend. She hadn’t made much of an effort, much to Remus’s relief, as he had made even less of one. Her cropped black bob was dead straight, as always, and her eyeliner was sharp enough to cut, as always, but other than that, she didn’t look much different than she did every Thursday morning.

She smiled slightly when she saw Remus’s beat up cords and fraying jumper. "I knew you wouldn’t be here of your own accord."

Remus frowned. "I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, don’t care much either, I assume Lily roped you into this like James did me."

"Winner winner chicken dinner," she said, grinning wider now. "Glad to have our cards on the table. Now, you going to take my arm or do I have to walk all by my lonesome?" she asked, arm held out, ready to link onto Remus’s.

"Where to, Miss Vance?" he asked, usual bite of sarcasm present. He supposed the day wouldn't go so badly. 

"Show me the stars, Mr. Lupin," she replied in kind.

\--

"Y'know, if they weren’t both flaming queers, they’d be good for each other," James says in awe.

The Three Broomsticks was crowded as usual, warmth of bodies making the pub cozy, despite the biting cold outside.

"Wrong, wrong, wrong," Sirius says, "they’re both too sarcastic. They’d be too harsh for one another. Its like a brick wall dating a rock."

"Nice way to talk about your mate there, Pads," Peter say.

"Moony is the best kind of rock," he amends quickly.

"Digging the hole.”

"Anyway, you okay Sirius? Not a wee bit jealous the self proclaimed love of your life is out there, dating a girl, laughing with her, socialising with her like a normal person..." James goads.

"Not really. I mean, yeah I'd be upset if he was out with someone he actually liked," he says. “But no. I know he doesn’t so it doesn’t really bother me.”

“Padfoot?” James asks, in stunned silence.

Peter looks like Merlin himself had just apparated in front of him.

“What?” he asks, looking between the two.

“You’re capable of compartmentalizing emotions?!” James exclaimed, Peter jumping out of his seat for effect.

“Fuck off, you tossers,” he says, laughing, dropping his head into his crossed arms.

They were quiet for a while; taking sips of their drinks, watching fellow classmates and patrons alike.

“No, but really? You’d be jealous?” he asks lightly a moment later, like the topic wasn’t of much interest to him.

"Well, yeah. Course I would be," Sirius says, like it was obvious, looking up from his arms.

"Can we infer from this information that you, Sirius Black, have more than friendly intent towards our beloved Moony?" he asks conspiratorially, leaning in towards his friend.

"Merlin, when you put it like that, its like I want to kill him,” he says jokingly, “murderous intent and all."

A beat of silence, then, "Wormtail, do you smell that?" James asks, pointedly sniffing in Sirius’s direction, face pulled in confusion.

Catching on instantly, Peter replies, "why, yes, I think I do, Prongs,” sniffing too in Sirius’s general area.

"It smells like," another pointed sniff, "someone is aVOIDING A QUESTION."

"Merlin, keep it down, you bloody prat," Sirius grumbles, dropping his forehead down to cover his face.

"Avoiding," James mutters.

"I'm not avoiding anything!" he snaps back.

"Denial," came from Peter.

"I'm not in denial, either," he replies, less harshly.

The two snicker.

"Shut up, please, the both of you," he says tiredly.

"You’re even starting to sound like Moony," James says teasingly.

"Come on, we pretty much know anyway. Just admit you’ve got a crush the size of Snape's nose on him."

"Nice one, Pete," James says, voice in hushed reverence, looking on him in awe, fist out for a bump. Peter does so lightly, then takes a swig of his butterbeer.

"If you 'pretty much know', then why do this?" he asks stonily, sounding more angry by the minute.

"Whoa, chill Pads,” James says soothingly, “its cool. We don’t care. We just want to see you together."

"Yeah, well, did you ever think, hmm, maybe there’s a reason why Remus and Sirius aren’t dating when they clearly should be?” he asks, head snapping up from his arms. “Could it be because Sirius loves his friend, full stop, and is content with the relationship they have now? Did you think that maybe, this might just be enough for me?” The more he went on, the more waspish he sounded. “I don’t need to have him in any kind of dumb, stupid, unreliable and breakable romantic relationship when I have him in a brilliant friendship, with extra perks. Sure I would like more than what we have now, but thats selfish of me and I don't want to make him uncomfortable by pushing him. And yes, it would probably kill me if he did, in fact, find someone he liked, and started dating them, and I had to watch, but that’s my own business. I don’t need you bastards interfering, thank you."

James, for the most part, just raised his eyebrows, and then started slowly clapping. "That is the most emotional thing I have ever heard you say, Pads. Well done. I’m so proud. My little boy is growing up."

"Yeah, Pads, never knew you had it in you," Peter says proudly, patting him on the back.

He drops his head back down to the table in a mix of frustration and relief; tied in with an inexplicable fondness for the two he shared a table with.

\--

"Going to go with 'our plan didn’t work as well as wed hoped'," Lily grumbles. “Marlene sat there the whole time clenching her glass and looking like she was about to vomit and cry at the same time. She’s too proud to do either, but it was horrific and slightly scary to watch. I have a phobia of vomit. I was on the edge of my seat, ready to flee the moment she did.”

“This is coming from a future medi-witch?” James asks teasingly.

“The smell and the noise and the – shut up, I'm going to start gagging,” she says.

James snorts. "It actually went well on my end,” he informs her. “Considering it wasn’t even a plan for Sirius in the first place, I think what we got him to confess is a pretty big achievement. Now I know that what is wrong and what needs to be worked on; which is his stupid self esteem, because I know this is because he thinks 'oh, Moony’s too good for me, I’m some dumb pillock who got disowned by my piece of shit excuse for parents who did nothing but emotionally and physically abuse me my whole life and that’s why I have a list of issues with myself that’s a mile and a half long'." He was silent for a second, then said "y'know, if I could kill any two people in my whole life, it would be them. And not like the dumb old 'Avada Kevadra' and boom, dead; I mean, good, old fashioned, Muggle knife, blunt and ripe for a good old stab. Or twelve."

Lily looks vaguely impressed, but instead says, "I'm in cahoots with a psychopath."

"I like that. In cahoots. We need to use that more often," he says lightly, grinning at her, but soon returns to the dark aura he was in before. "He’s a prat and a shitlord and an absolute git, but he’s great, I fucking adore him, Peter adores him, Moony adores him, everyone he meets does, and its so fucking infuriating that he still holds this outdated and untrue view of himself, and I want to wrangle his stupid skinny neck and punch him a few times 'till he sees sense."

Lily wraps an arm around his shoulders. "I know you love him and want what’s best for him, but you can’t change set views overnight. Those issues have been there, or have been harbouring for ages, and even a good, loved-up beating won’t change them that easily.” She has a soothing voice when she wants to, James notices. “Be there for him, let him know he’s not everything he thinks he is, or what his family impressed upon him, but subtly. I know that’s not your forte, but its better than punching him."

He relaxes slightly into her arms, before catching himself and sitting up straight. Lily wanted to pull him into a headlock for being so oblivious.

\--

"Moony?" Peter asks, walking over to the boy in question.

"Yes, Wormtail?" Remus replies lightly, looking up from his book.

"Merlin, be a little less obvious about who annoys you the least," James calls from his seat on the couch, glaring playfully at him.

Remus rolls his eyes, muttering, "I never said annoyed," before asking Peter what he came over for.

"All honesty,” he says, voice hushed, “d'ya like Sirius?"

Remus raises an eyebrow. "Don’t mean to be rude, Pete, but how does this concern you?"

"Oh, it doesn’t. Just asking," he said, shrugging, as though he were asking about something as trivial as the weather.

Remus nods lightly in response, his friends’ answer seeming to be sufficient. "Fair enough. Yeah, I do.” He smiles in a way that seems more self-depreciating than anything.

"Thought so. You’re harder to tell than Sirius. He just blatantly says it, you’re more of a 'if this were anyone else, I'd probably hex their nips off',” he explains. “Its a sweet sort of affection, really."

Remus laughs. "Sirius doesn’t like me like that."

"Come again?"

"What?" Remus looks confused.

"Really?” Peter asks, exasperatedly. “Fucking really?"

Remus looks around the room, as though finding the answer to Peter’s change in mood. "...What?"

Running a hand down his face, he turns around, looking for dark skin and an even darker mop of hair, which so happened to be talking with a less messy mop of bright red. "Oi, Prongs, get your arse up to our dorm, don’t care how much you're enjoying yourself."

James turns to flip the bird at him, then back to Lily, presumably to apologise, then makes his way off the couch and up the stairs.

"C'mon, Mr. In Even More Denial Than My Boyfriend," Peter grumbles, walking toward the staircase.

"Pete?” he asks, looking around, before reluctantly, following, in all his six foot three glory, a five ten Peter up the spiral staircase.

\--

"Take it we have a dire situation?" James asks as the two enter.

"Moony, would you please tell Prongs what you told me?" he asks exasperatedly.

"That I like Sirius?" he says, confused.

"No, the other thing."

"...That it doesn't concern you? Which, by the way, is still true, so while I am all for helping Marlene out, which I really am, please don’t tell Emmeline to go out with me to make Pads jealous."

"For fucks sake you bookish twat," Peter hissed. "This intellectual bastard here just told me that Sirius doesn’t like him. 'Like that'."

James burst into laughter. "You’re kidding me? Moony, what the actual shit?"

Remus frowned. "He doesn’t. He’s just a natural, affectionate idiot. If he liked me, I'm sure he would have done something about it by now."

"Remus, when is the last time Sirius kissed either one of us?" James asked.

"Prongs, he practically snogged you after we won against Slytherin," Pete stage whispered. "Granted, he was drunk, but still."

"Apart from that." James amends quickly.

"My point exactly," Remus said. "Its okay, I'll get over a dumb crush, it won't be the end of us, I promise."

James turned to Peter helplessly. "Oh my god. It’s no good. It’s a hopeless case. Pack my bags and send me to Peru because I am no longer James Potter, master prankster and bringer-together."

"Mate, you couldn’t have pulled half the pranks you have done without me, Sirius or Remus, and you’ve never brought a couple together. You couldn’t even bring yourself together with Lily," he says honestly.

James dropped to the floor in a puddle of black afro and grey uniform, wailing.

"Do I even want to ask?" Sirius asked as he stepped in.

\--

"Marlene, my dear, my fellow griffin, Qudditch player and sister in arms, how are you?" James asks the next morning at breakfast, dropping down onto the bench next to her. She tightens her grip on her fork.

"Potter, I will personally castrate you and your poxy friends if you come any closer to me, no matter how upset Lils will get." She glares at her eggs like they have personally offended her. "Wheres the ketchup." She asks, though more to herself than him, despite it being right in from of her. She picks it up and bangs the bottom of the jar so hard half the contents comes pouring out. She doesn't seem to care.

Choosing to ignore the Lily and castration comment in favour of picking it up later, as he had more serious matters at hand, he instead asks, "What did I ever do to you? Or the ketchup?"

"Well, aside from your mate taking Emmeline out on a shitty date even though the guy's as queer as they come, nothing." She stirs the ketchup into the yellow mush of her scrambled eggs and clamps down on a forkful. James cringes at that, thinking that white people have fucking weird taste buds.

"Why are you mad at me then?"

"I'm not. Sorry. I just really want to stab something." She stabs at the orangey ketchup-egg concoction again and takes another mouthful.

"Do I want to sit next to you?" He asks jokingly, filling his plate with ketchup-free eggs and sausages.

"Shut up, you ballsack."

Slicing his sausage, he nods appraisingly. "I'll give it to you, that’s new. But I’ve been called worse."

"Well, everyone says pussy, but you punch a ballsack? You got a guy crying for mercy. Punch a vagina? It will laugh at you and stab itself while you’re on your period."

"I knew sitting with you at breakfast would make my morning." He grabs a slice of toast and begins to butter it.

"Always a pleasure," she says sardonically. "Why are you here, though? Lily’s already eaten."

"While I do so care about my beloved Lily’s eating habits, I came to ask you about a certain someone. Now, while your reaction to my, quote, 'queer as they come' friend taking them out makes it quite clear, I just want confirmation."

She looked on, boredly. "Yes, I like Emme, get over it, I'm about as gay as Lupin."

"Brilliant. So happy for you dear. Good for you she’s just as gay, even more so, so I highly encourage you to take the reigns and go for it." He evenly layers the eggs and sausage over the newly buttered toast and makes a sandwich.

"Potter, please. I know she is. I am her friend," she says. "Sort of. Through mutual friends. Through Lily."

"Okay...?" he asks, confused. "So why not go for it?"

"She’s never expressed anything other than 'oh, its the blonde Lily hangs about with some'. Not exactly an invitation to go up and say 'hi, you’re fucking gorgeous and I really want to kiss you and have your red lipstick leave marks all up my neck'."

He pulled a face around his sandwich. "...Nice."

"I kept it PG just for your precious little ears," she tells him.

He swallows. "I appreciate that. But I still don’t see your point. Okay, you don’t really know each other, but that's perfect! A date can solve that," he says. "First dates are supposed to be about getting to know one an other."

"Yeah, but," she mumbles, prodding at her eggs.

"But what?" he asks, hand over his mouth as he chews.

"What if she says no?" she asks, looking distressed.

"Why would she? You’re bloody fit, if I do say so myself, no hetero. And you’re funny and nice and not a shit to be around?" Those seemed like perfectly good person-to-date qualities, if he did say so himself.

"But she’s so cool and so clever and so hot I want to cry. And I'm a bumbling, dyslexic, ADHD, mopey bint," she griped.

"I'm not arguing, she’s hot in the way that makes me intimidated because I think she could kill me if she wanted to and no one would find out."

"You understand me."

"But Marlene, you're great. I wouldn't just compliment you for no reason. That is only reserved for Lily. I genuinely do think you're a brilliant person. I still don’t know why you seem to think asking her to spend a few hours with her one weekend is such a big deal. The worst that could happen is that she could say no. The best thing is a yes. Either way, you’ll probably regret it more if you don’t ask, don’t you think?" He realises how hypocritical he is halfway through, but ploughs on anyway.

"Nope. I think I'm happy stewing in my little lesbian bubble, releasing frustration on bludgers, crying myself to sleep because she’s so hot and so intimidating and so out of my league," she says miserably.

He decides he can try again some other time. "Welcome to my world. Its sucks, and you don’t have to be here."

"Lily would say yes if you asked her," she tells him matter-of-factly.

James snorted. "Okay, McKinnon."

\--

"Should I talk to Em then?" Lily asked, looking over the parchment with James familiar sprawl, correcting mistakes as she went.

"I don’t think so," he says after a moment of internal debate. "Let Mar handle it. I spoke to her this morning; I think I know where she’s at. Maybe."

"Really?" she looked at him curiously.

"Mm," he says, not elaborating on the subject even though it was clear she wanted him to. "But Remus and Sirius are a lost cause. I'm done."

"Hush," she chided. "I'll talk with Peter?"

"Don’t even bother, Lils. I'm done. I am a steak. The house elves are taking me out the oven. They are sticking a fork in me. I'm done." He's not too sure what an oven is, but he likes the phrase.

"Did Remus teach you that one?" she asks, amused.

"Nah, Mum has this Muggle mate who always makes old idioms and expressions whenever she’s round," he explains. "She met her at the local bowls club. Mad as a fucking Kneazle, but there you go."

"I applaud her lifestyle," Lily comments, returning back to her marking.

The two were silent for a while, James with his head on his arms, Lily, with her quill scratching away at James' pathetic (but better, all the same) attempt at explaining why a Hollydune root only flowers every four months.

"Where you high when you wrote this, by any chance?" she asked lightly, voice carrying an air of humour.

"If its the essay about the creator of the Heating Charm, most definitely," he says, not looking up.

"Nope, what I’m reading here is that 'the reason why the Holydunke only flowers every four months is because Gnomes have extremely large bladders, and only need to piss every four months, and it's their piss that makes them flower.' One, its the hollydune, two, Gnomes don’t urinate, three, it was supposed to be eleven inches and a half. If you’re going to bullshit, at least do it properly."

"I'm so sorry, dear Evans," he replies, sarcastically. "And I think Peter wrote that for me, actually. He handed his in the other day. Ha. Shame on his life."

"You’re an awful friend," she comments, crossing out several lines in red ink.

"I am the best friend there is," he argues. "But not as good as you. No one else I know would or could teach me Herbology and Charms without wanting to set me on fire."

"I always want to set you on fire," she replies simply, venom spiking in her stomach at the use of 'friend'.

\--

"James told me not to speak to you because Remus and Sirius are a lost cause, but who cares what he thinks because he is blind and lets you write his Herbology essays, proving he is impaired in judgment," Lily announces as she approaches Peter later on in the week.

"One, rude. Two, tell me more," Peter replies from his seat at the couch, some small, wooden device in his hand. He pats the space next to him.

"What’s that?" she asks, sitting in the offered space, then carries on to say "I take it you realise our first initial plan did not go as intended, but did uncover some very interesting and useful information about our subjects," without letting him answer.

"Its a puzzle thing Remus gave me, said he got it free in his newspaper. I don’t know how it works, he said I have to get this ball out of the trap, but its Muggle and I'm not supposed to use magic." He held it up for Lily to inspect, letting her take it.

"Oh, my mum used to get me these for when we went on long car rides to the Cotswold’s, to stop me and Tuney from arguing in the backseats. Look, you just have to..." she fiddled with the contraption for a second, sliding one block to another, freeing up space, letting the small ball fall out. "Tah dah," she said, holding it up proudly.

Peter scoffed, mumbling, "fucking perfect at everything, aren’t you?" without malice, but in a way that was more in admiration.

"Yup. But back to what I originally came to say. Help me. James has bailed. The weak are already weeding themselves out."

"I'm down," he agreed easily, "but can I state for the record I'm surprised he even had the balls to say no to you."

"What does that mean?" she asked, eyes narrowing.

"Well, aside from the fact you’re kind of terrifying when you want to be," she made a noise of mock offence, "I didn’t think he was physically capable of denying his lovely Lily anything."

She growled and threw a cushion at him.

\--

"What do you mean you’re taking her out again?" Sirius asked, looking down at Remus' head, where it lay on his lap, book partially covering it. 

"Exactly what it sounds like? We had fun last time. She proposed it," he replies, lowering the leather bound tome, allowing full view of his face.

"I thought you said you didn’t like girls?" he asked, wrapping a loose curl around his finger, gently.

"I don’t," Remus replied, shrugging. "But she’s pleasant to be around, and she has the same sense of humour as I do, and she knows what I'm talking about when I make pop culture references." Sirius had stopped playing with his hair a while into the sentence.

"This could be construed as leading her on," Sirius said, scratching at his stomach in an effort to make the hallow ache he felt go away.

"She’s not interested either," he said. "She just wants to go to this book signing at Tomes and Scriptures with someone who will appreciate it. I can understand that. It's like you, you’d rather go to Zonko's with James, because he appreciates the stink power strength in a dung bomb more than I do," he reasoned.

"I wouldn’t," he grumbled, quietly.

"Hm?" Remus asked, eyebrow raised, looking up at him.

"Nothing," he replied, acid instead of blood running through his veins.

Remus shrugged and went back to his book.

\--

"You know Marlene, don’t you?" Emmeline asked as herself and Remus waited in the queue that extended all the way down Hogsmeade, pulling her hat down to cover her ears against the bite of the cold. Remus himself had pulled up his scarf to cover his nose, allowing the heat of his breath to warm the inside of his scarf.

"Yeah, she’s Lily's friend and on the Quidditch team. She’s nice," he said. "We’re in History of Magic together."

"She’s nice to look at too," she commented.

"Is this your way of asking me if she likes you?" he asked. "Because I can honestly say I have no idea.”

"Nope," she says, popping the 'p' sound. "Just stating the facts."

"Fair enough," he replies, shrugging, and looking ahead at the queue.

"Who do you find nice to look at?" she asked a moment later. 

"No one," he replied. Liar, he thought.

"I told you," she said, affronted.

"I didn’t ask you too," he shoots back.

"Don’t be a dick," she laughs. "Tell me."

"I knew no genuinely nice girl could be that good of friends with Lily without being a little evil herself," he laughed. She hit him on the shoulder, laughing too.

\--

"I thought he just said he was going to the book signing with her," Sirius said acidly as he watched the two enter Honeydukes through the glass window of the Three Broomsticks, smiling and laughing. They both had large copies of some book Sirius knew he would have no hope in reading.

"Jealous?" Lily asked, snorting.

Marlene echoed Sirius’s foul mood, slamming her glass against the table as she finished the rest of her drink in one gulp.

"No. I'm upset he lied to me," he said petulantly.

"I am," Marlene griped. "Why does a gay guy have a better chance with her than me? I'm hot."

"I know, love," Lily consoled, rubbing her on the back.

"I'm hot, too," Sirius moaned. "I want consoling back rubs."

"Sorry, you must be at least a level five friend to receive any comforting gestures from me. Go find James," she suggested. He had been with them earlier, but had vanished after going up to the counter to get another drink.

"I'm offended. We're at least level three. Can’t you make an exception?" he moaned.

"Nope. Sorry." She didn't sound it in the least. "Find your platonic other half."

"Don’t know where he is. He’s either with Pete or has been accosted at the bar. He may be at the whims of our saucy minx Rosmerta right now," he said.

Lily’s back stiffened. "No back rubs for you then."

\--

"Nice date?" Marlene asked spitefully from her seat on the couch as Remus entered the common room later on that day.

"Uh, sure, I guess?" he replied, confused. "Not really sure it counts as a date so much as it does two friends spending time with each other, though."

She exhaled from her nose and returned to glaring stonily at the fireplace.

Remus pulled a face in confusion, shrugged, then wandered up towards his dorm.

\--

He was greeted similarly upon his entry.

"So nice that everyone seems to care," he replied, dropping into his bed, book on his bedside table. Several things had to be shifted for this to happen. His lamp was now balanced precariously on top of a pile of books and notes and spare parchment to accommodate.

"Hm?" Sirius asked.

"Marlene asked me the exact same thing just as I entered the common room. Anything I should know?" he asked. "Granted she did sound more angry than you, but I think that’s because she doesn’t seem to realise our respective orientations."

"She knows," he replies shortly.

"Right. I'm stumped then," he sighs, rolling over to face him.

"That’s a first," he bites out.

"Is that meant to be insulting?" he asked, confused. "Because you're basically saying I always understand things. Not exactly rude there, Pads."

"Bugger off." He held out his arms from his bed. "You don’t like her, do you?" he asked, softly.

"Sirius -" he begins.

"You don’t, do you?" he repeats, interrupting. 

"No," he says. "I do not, will not, have not, had any feelings for Emmeline Vance other than that of friendship and a kindred spirit in a fellow half blood."

"Good. Now come here and give me a hug."

\--

"Hello," a hushed voice came from across Marlene, making her look up and nearly choke on her tongue. "Is this seat taken?"

Clearing her throat, she quickly stuttered out "no, no, its fine, take it."

Smiling in a way that made Marlene wonder if she had stood in front of a mirror and practiced for days on end to perfect her 'I came here specifically to make you want me' look, Emmeline slid gracefully onto the hard wood, gently placing down the large, hardback book she had presumably checked out, and began reading.

Marlene wanted to cry. It wasn’t everyday she had the strength or the patience to try and study, and she was almost nearly through the first chapter of her extended reading for Transfiguration, (an achievement she was incredibly proud of, thank you very much, it had only taken her two and a half hours), and the main object of all her distractions just had to drop in a ruin everything.

Not that she doesn’t love having a close up view of the beauty that was Emmeline Vance.

With an anguished groan disguised as a yawn, Marlene dropped her gaze down and tried to pick up where she left off.

It was harder that usual to get herself back in the focus of reading, even more so with the sharp smell of spice that had arrived along with her new companion.

She wondered if she would ruin all her chances with her if she physically beat herself with ‘Transfiguration: an Extended Edition (NEWT level guide, Foundation Tier)’, because really, that had to be less painful than the position she was in at present.

“Are you okay there?” Emmeline asked what could have been two hours later, but was more likely two minutes. Marlene had managed to read a line from where she left off, words swimming around the page even worse than they were previously, due to the distractions. It didn't help that the font was tiny, either.

“Uh, yeah, sorry. Transfig’s a bitch,” she said, before turning bright red.

“Do you want some help?” she asked, frowning lightly. “It’s a shame to see someone so pretty look so confused.”

Marlene thought she might just throw up, then told herself not to, because that would be fucking gross.

“N-no, its fine, I mean, I don’t want to bother you, read what you picked up –“ she’s babbling and she’s horribly red, she knows it, why does she have to be so hot it shouldn’t be legal, did she really just call her pretty, oh dear lord -

“I insist,” she interrupted with a smile that just fell short of predatory.

\--

“Em, what did you do to Marlene,” Lily asks that night at dinner, abandoning her table for the short time it takes to cross over and demand answers from her friend.

“Nothing, why?” she replies sweetly, positively angelic expression on her face.

“She hasn’t spoken since she got back from the library and she keeps randomly blushing at nothing. I’ve narrowed it down to her getting some in the hours she was gone, or you, hopefully temporarily, breaking her brain.”

“I did no such thing,” she comments lightly. “Only help her with Transfiguration. She seemed in an awful struggle.”

Lily pursed her lips. “I don’t trust you.”

“You’ve been my friend for four years. I’m glad you’re finally learning something,” she replied, then smiled, turning her focus away from Lily and winking at whoever was behind her. Lily turned just in time to see the beet red face of Marlene flip at a breakneck speed back to the centre of the table, curtain of dirty blonde hair following in her wake.

“If she’s permanently broken, I'm fining you one blonde Gryffindor best friend replacement.”

\--

Sirius never liked post-moon Remus. He didn’t like hospitals, didn’t like seeing Remus in hospitals, didn’t like seeing Remus in bandages and covered in cuts and bruises.

He didn’t like seeing any of his friends in pain, but he saw Remus hurting far too often, not like the odd time James broke three ribs and his arm just before summer break when he thought it would be fun to see if the giant squid was really alive. Sirius nearly passed out when he saw the state his brother was in. He just thought he was more accustomed to Remus, because it was so often.

It had started getting better, though. With the rest of the Marauders there in Animagi form to help subdue him, the injuries had been less frequent.

Didn’t stop Remus from dislocating his shoulder, fracturing his ankle and tearing a chunk into his thigh, where the wolf thought it fit to bite into.

Sirius can’t focus all morning and James calls him pathetic. Peter rolls his eyes at the both of them and informs them that someone needs to take proper notes for this lesson, since its not his turn and Moony will want them.

James grumbles and scribbles down the abbreviated bullet points quickly in the short time given for the class to write the contents of the board.

\--

“I'm quite fond of her, actually,” Emmeline said, offhandedly. “She’s endearing.”

Sitting pretty on a cold slab of rock in the chill of the early November air with Hestia was not exactly how Emmeline preferred to spend her free periods. She liked to sleep, read, or write home to her half brother and ask about upcoming movies that seemed like they would be good to go and see together.

However, when the library becomes too crowded with everyone beginning to swat up for their exams, and the common room becoming a place for emotionally distressed and nervous students to break down and drown themselves in liquor and comfort food, out in the courtyard with the frigid air to accompany them, Emmeline was essentially alone, aside from the girl sitting next to her; who by all intents and purposes, could probably pass for her identical twin, had they had the same nose, skin and eye colour, could relax and breathe a bit easier.

Hestia raised a brow. “If you say so, dear.”

“What’s wrong with her?” she questioned.

“I thought you were above what you label ‘brainless Quidditch obsessed knuckleheads’,” she stated simply. She fished around in her pocket for her lighter, cigarette already in her mouth. She cared less and less these days about being caught smoking on school grounds. It was her last year, she could break a few rules. Even so, not even the teachers were prepared to monitor the grounds in this weather, meaning she was more than safe from detention and having her Hogsmeade rights revoked the rest of the month.

“Hm,” she said, nor confirming or denying. “She’s endearing,” she repeated. She watched as she lit the cigarette and took a long draw, smoke billowing out of her mouth upon exhale, a mix of warm breath and excess.

“As you’ve said,” she replied.

“What do you think?” she asked, after a few minutes of silence.

“I think you need to stop beating around the bush, you pathetic excuse for a woman,” Hestia replied easily. She like the way their friendship was, cold and indifferent, insults and unspoken words.

“I will when you do, you heinous bitch,” she retorted, same indifferent tone.

“At least I have interaction with the object of my affections,” she shot back.

“That sounds so impersonal,” she said.

“It's because I wanted it to," she shrugged. "You think I want to like a stupid guy with stupid curly hair and stupid freckles and stupid pasty skin?”

“You think I want to like a stupid girl with stupid pretty eyes and stupid silky hair and stupid straight teeth?” she grumbled back.

Hestia sighed, inhaling heavily and exhaling in kind. “We are pathetic,” she stated.

“Agreed.”

\--

"Peter," Lily called out, walking faster to meet his pace a few steps ahead. "How is recon mission going?" 

"What?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"Shut up, I saw it in a muggle movie. It was cool." Her tone suggested that disagreeing was not an option.

"You are such a loser," he says. "I don’t even know why Prongs thinks you’re cool."

"Shut up and tell me what intel you have gathered," she snaps, bumping him in the shoulder. It works out better when she does it to Peter than James, she finds, as they are of similar height.

"Remus is study. Sirius is whiny. Nothing is new," he says blandly.

"And why is Black whiny?" she asks.

"He hates it when you call him that y’know," he says instead. "He’d never tell you, but he does."

"He calls me Evans though?" She replied, confused.

"Yeah, but you weren’t disowned by your family." The unspoken 'he doesn't want to be reminded' was heard loud and clear.

"I’ll call him Sirius," she says quickly.

"Don’t tell him I said that, though," he says in response.

"I won't," she promises. "Now, why is he being whiny, the poor pissbaby?"

"Em and Remus are friends, I guess? I don’t really know. He’s upset now though, because Pommy banned him from the infirmary like three years ago after he 'loudly disturbed patients' or whatever it was, and he’s not allowed in to see his boy." He hoists his bag up higher on his shoulder, heavy from study material and class work.

"Why's Remus in the infirmary?" she asked, worriedly. They had reached the common room now, Lily muttering a quick " _Flavenco_ " to open the portrait door before Peter had the chance.

"Nerd dislocated his shoulder," he said as he climbed through. "He was trying to get a book and decided, rather than using magic, he would climb up the bookcase." It seemed like a believable enough lie to him. 

"Really," she deadpanned, disbelief evident.

"True as truth," Peter said, holding up his palms in a show of honesty.

"If you say so,” she said easily, rather than interrogating him. Then asked,  "so really nothing new?" a few moments later.

"Nope, but we can talk about you and Prongs if you want?" he suggested. "I know he likes it when your hairs up, because you have a nice shaped face - he talks about it too often."

She felt her cheeks heating up. "Shut up, Pettigrew."

"Ouch, last named by the Evanster," he joked, laughing at himself.

She grumbled a bit more, slapping him round the head, then walked over to the staircase and up to her dorm.

"What did you do to piss her off?" Sirius asks as he walks in after her departure, dropping down on the sofa and motioning for him to join.

"Told her Prongs likes her face shape," he replies as he does so.

"Classic mistake. She likes to hear about how he has this domestic dream of the both of them cooking breakfast because gender roles are outdated, and they burn it and end up getting MacDonald’s Egg McMuffins instead," he said. "He's been obsessed with them since Moony took him."

"Dang it."

\--

It was a few days later that Marlene had returned to her usual self, and Lily had withdrew her fine on Emmeline in due course.

It wasn’t to say Marlene was any less smitten with Emmeline, more so to say that the encounter had probably broken a few defences that salvaged the last of the girl's dignity.

"Marlene, you are literally drooling. It’s disgusting. Close your mouth," she snapped, like a mother talking to their child.

"And I am beyond caring. Do you see this face? Do I look like I am caring? No," she grumbled petulantly.

"Catch flies then. I'm sure it will look attractive when you’re choking and spluttering all in front of her." A new tactic, Marlene was impressed.

"News flash, already have and she is still talking to me. More so, even. So there," she shot back, sticking her tongue out.

\--

"I understand you, now," Lily said resignedly as she sat down opposite James at their regular table in the common room, the surface already covered with sheets of parchment, inkwells and textbooks alike.

"That the Vanishing Cabinets are obviously, undoubtedly, unequivocally better than the Beatles?" he asked.

"You take that back, you son of a bitch," she said, no real anger in her voice.

"Don’t be rude about Mrs. P you awful bint, she is a goddess among mortals!" Sirius yelled from across the room. How he heard, Lily was unsure, but laughed all the same.

"Utter wanker any better?" she called back.

"My catchphrase is 'Prongs is a tosser', so I give it four out of five," he replied.

"I can live with that," she answered, before dropping her head down. "But no. This is not about the Beatles obvious superiority over wizarding music. This is about Marlene."

"Is she in the same situation as Remus or Sirius?" he asked.

"No, she’s more, 'I've lost all dignity and I don’t care anymore, she spoke to me three times, now I can die happy'. Why are our friends so ridiculous?" she asked rhetorically.

"I need to have another chat with her, it seems," he mused.

"Don’t go poisoning my best mate's head with you’re shitty ideas. You’re about as bad at the whole things as she is!" she accused. "You’re dense, and she’s pathetic!"

"What am I dense about?" he asked, frowning.

"See! Dense!" she said loudly, pointing at him. "Only dense people ask what they are dense about."

"I'm going to end this here, Lils, because frankly, my feelings are getting hurt," he said. "I’ll find Marlene later, can you help me with the Potions research now, though?"

"You’re not that bad at Potions," she said, leaning forward to look at what he had written already, anyway. "We've worked together a few times. You're better than Remus, at least."

"Yes, but that isn't hard," he said dismissively. "And Slughorn actually let me partner up with Sirius for this."

"Hand it over."

\--

"Pads?" James asked the dark. He could hear loud snores he knew were Peter's, and the light breaths of Remus.

"Yes, Prongs?" he answered a moment later, sounding tired.

"Have you ever thought about the future?" he asked.

"It is one in the morning," he stated. "Please, I know I keep you up all the time, but let me sleep."

"No, just listen. Like, we are leaving next year. Next year! And it's not even a full twelve months, it's like eight! We are going to be going off on our own, in our own adult little world, with only our NEWT grades to carry us, and Pads, I am having my first big future freak out. I am so scared, Pads."

"Do you need a hug.” he asked, though it was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes please," he said, voice small. "Get in here."

With a groan, Sirius hoisted himself up and dragged his feet over to the opposite bed and dropped down on top of his friend. "Let it all out."

He took a deep breath, then exhaled all of his negative thoughts and fears. "I'm never going to see Lily again after this, and really? That scares me. I mean, I genuinely love her. I mean I liked her before because she was funny and pretty, but I know her now, and shit I honestly love her. And I’m not going to see you or Moony or Wormy every day, and I won't be going to bed with you three foot away, and do you know how hard that is going to be? Where are you going to be when I can't sleep and need you to let me vent to you like this? Where is Remus going to be to tell me that I'm making the problems in my head bigger than they are? Where's Pete going to be to give it to me straight and keep my ego in check? Like, you’re my brother and Moony is my future brother in law, and Wormtail is my best mate, how am I supposed to function when you all aren’t always just there? And what am I going to do. I mean, I know we said Aurors, but shit Pads; I’m not cut out for that crap. And I can't do Muggle shit, like I don’t even know what math is, Lils said it was like Arithmancy but with division and letters? She learnt some before she came here, and apparently all Muggles need to be able to do it, so a wizarding career I can do is out of the question, Muggle careers are out of the question -" he had said all of this very fast and very panicky and was now breathing very heavily.

"Prongs?" he asked, after a moment of silence to make sure he was done with his tirade.

"Yes, Pads?" he asked, distress clear in his voice.

"Quiet." He waited until his friend's breath had stopped running a mile a minute. "One. There are more wizarding careers than Aurors. While yes, I agree I don’t see you as an Arithmancer or Herbologist; you could try Curse Breaking or a place in the Ministry's Law Enforcement league. You’re good at Defence and Transfig; oh, what about an Unspeakable, we always said those guys were fucking awesome. Two, why would you want a Muggle career anyway, you have never witnessed anything remotely Muggle in your life other than Mrs. P's bowls friend. Three, I am a mirror call away. You need me? You get that mirror and I will be wherever you are faster than you can say 'Sirius Black is a queen.' Four, Lily is so keeping in touch if she has any say in it mate, trust me. Now shut up, stop worrying, and go to sleep."

"You staying?" he asked a moment later.

"If you need me, then I'm not going," he said easily.

"Good. Now get your scrawny ass off me and to the other end of the bed, your hipbones are like knives," he complained

"Sorry Mr. Muscle That I Shouldn’t Even Have Because I Play Quidditch And All I Do Is Fly Around On A Broom Throwing A Glorified Ball Into Hoops," he said as he moved and slid under covers.

With a well-placed kick to the stomach, they both shut up.

\--

"Be a lion about it, girl," James cried, motivational Quidditch captain voice on. "Were you sorted into the house of the brave for nothing? Who stood up in third year and said 'fuck you, yes I'm a girl, yes I'm small, yes I'm the best shot you have at a decent beater' to poncy old Freddie after he laughed at you when you tried out for Quidditch? Who is brave enough to have dyslexia and ADHD and still tackle her exams head on like the champ she is? Who is strong enough to admit when they need help and will put in 110% to achieve their results?"

"I am?" she asked in a small voice.

"No, louder," he snapped. "And tell me the name."

"Marlene McKinnon is," she said.

"Louder!" he yelled.

"Marlene McKinnon is!" she said, louder.

"Louder!" he repeated, getting louder himself.

"MARLENE MCKINNON IS!" she shouted, making every student in the corridor within a five meter radius jump and turn to stare at the two, looking like they were about to run a marathon and they were psyching themselves up beforehand.

"YES GIRL," he cheered. "GO GET HER."

\--

“Hest, I’m going to do it.” Emmeline said quickly as she slid onto the wooden bench next to her.

“What is it we are referring to?" she asked. "Eat or…?”

“I'm going to either ask Marlene out or get her to do it for me. Either way I am going to Hogsmeade with her this weekend.”

“That’s my girl,” she said proudly, over her cup of coffee.

“That also means you have to do something,” she said sternly. “That was the deal.”

“I'm good,” she said, nodding lightly. “I can live with my cowardice. I'm brains, not brawn. Or bravery, in this case.”

“Jones, you are at least doing something. You don’t have to date or anything, just tell him at least that you wouldn’t mind if you went out sometime, or something along those lines.”

“But I would mind," she grumbled. "A whole lot.”

“But a good mind?” she asked.

“Yes, of course its a good mind!" she moaned. "But then I'd want to do it again, and he'll have to say yes because he’s a thick prat and can't say no, and then I'll be guilty of roping him into something he doesn't want, and I won't want to break it off, and even if he does he won't tell me so because he's so – fuck I need a cig.”

“Who’s the pathetic excuse for a woman now?” she asked, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close.

She held up a meek hand, face hidden in her friend's chest. “I am.”

\--

“McKinnon.”

She looked up, seeing Emmeline stood over her, and all the bravado James had built up with her before breakfast vanished with her gulp.

“H-hi,” she said quietly, looking up at her under her lashes, slightly scared.

“Ugh, I’m bad at this,” she grumbled, dropping into the seat on the bench next to her. “Was this taken?”

“No, no,” she said quickly. “I mean, it was saved for Lily but she’s off doing Merlin knows what with James so,” she shrugged.

“Evans can deal with me in her seat,” she said uncaringly, waving a dismissive hand. “I used to steal her stuff in first year. She always knew it was me, but never said anything. She'd just find ways to take it back. Am I really that scary?” she pondered.

“Uh,” Marlene fumbled. “You’re not so much scary as you are intimidating. Especially when you’re with Jones.”

“I’ve been told,” she said lightly, smiling like the thought was funny.

Marlene felt her tongue stick in her dry mouth. Now was the time to ask, she thought. She just needed to open her mouth and ask. How hard could it be? She was Marlene McKinnon, she was awesome.

“Uh, Emmeline,” she said, sounding to herself as though she was choking on her own spit.

“Yes?” she replied sweetly.

“You, uh, have you got anything planned this weekend?” Oh sweet Circe, how red must her face be at this point?

“I don’t think I do, no,” she said, trying to stifle her smile.

“You wouldn’t um, want to, uh,” she took a deep breath. “Want to go out with me? Like, a date. No, not like. An actual date. With me. To Hogsmeade. This weekend.” She felt her face burn as she finished speaking. She was pathetic, she decided.

Emmeline grinned at her, and Marlene was sure her heart went into cardiac arrest. “I'd love to.”

\--

“I'm worried about Marlene,” Lily said to James over study materials and sheets of parchment. “She came in about an hour ago and didn’t even say anything, just went upstairs and flopped down on her bed. She whined like a little lost puppy when I asked her what was wrong. What did you say to her this morning?”

“I just told her how great she was and that she could do it because she is Marlene McKinnon,” he replied honestly. He thought the pep talk went well, if he was honest.

“Do you think Em said no?” she wondered aloud.

“Why would she?” James was under the impression she was as smitten with Marlene as Marlene was with her.

“I don’t know, she’s weird that way," she said, looking as though she was thinking a lot more than she was saying. "She’s a fucking weird girl.”

“Lils, talk to her tonight," James suggested. "Leave her. If she was rejected, she’s probably feeling really fucking shoddy and a bit worthless, so yeah, not a great feeling. Let her mope a bit.”

“And you have experience in this field?” she asked skeptically.

“I am the king of this field, Evans, keep up.”

\--

“How’s Fabian?” Emmeline asked later on that day. They had both just been in a harsh lesson of Advanced Ancient Ruins, and teasing Hestia always made Emmeline feel just a bit better.

“Shut up, you smug lesbian,” she bit back, cheeks staining red. Emmeline had wasted no time in informing her of the morning's events, (nor Lily, who had grinned widely and rushed off to who know's where), meaning it was up to Hestia to complete her part of the deal.

“I'll write to him," she said finally, exhaling loudly, like the thought exhausted her. "Ask him if he wants to meet up this weekend, if he’s not too busy.”

“Is he ever too busy for you?” she asked, eyebrow raised, smirk on her lips.

“No…" she admitted, sighing again. "But he’s in training now. He needs to focus. I don't want to be a distraction.”

“You both also need to stop dancing around each other,” she stated in response.

“You need to stop being a nosy bint,” she snapped back.

“I want you to be happy!” she exclaimed, laughing at her friend's frustration.

“I am happy," she said, her voice suggesting she was anything but. "I'll write to him now, now bugger off.”

\--

"James is worried you’re going to cut contact once you leave," Sirius informed Lily that night over dinner.

"I will if he doesn’t get his fucking head out of that stupid bubble it's in,” she growled back, her voice hushed like his had been.

"It’s the 'fro. His thoughts get lost in it sometimes," he explained. "Mostly his common sense."

"Evidently," she snapped. 

It had been long enough, she told herself. And she’d tried everything both Emmeline and Marlene had told her to do (not that she was all that comfortable in taking romance advice from Marlene, but she took what she could get), and was still minus one James Potter as her boyfriend.

"You know, I think you need to literally tell him point blank," he suggested. "Say, 'James, you’re an annoying bastard and Merlin knows why, but I think I've fallen for you.' Actually no, don’t even include the think, that leaves room for doubt. Best change it to a simple 'you’re a twat but I love you. Yes in a romantic way,' because we both know he will inevitably ask."

She took a deep breath. "If I do, then you need to talk to Remus. I know James told you he doesn’t think anything of your relationship."

"That’s different," he replied, tone changing to something more sharp. "I'm still going to see him once we leave. You need an excuse to."

"Sirius. Do you need a motivational speech like the one James gave Marley?" she teased.

"Merlin forbid it, no," he replied, faux horror on his face.

"Then go get 'em, lion."

"I'm not having you marry him if you ever say anything like that again," he informed her.

"I know. I cringed while I said it. He’s rubbing off on me," she explained, looking entirely fed up with life.

"I'll pray for you," he joked, bumping her shoulder with his own.

\--

"He doesn’t think you like him, you know," Peter said offhandedly, over a game of Gobstones. They both knew they should be revising, and were subsequently ignoring said fact.

He knew exactly what he was talking about; of course, James had already tried to broach the subject with him earlier that week, but played the fool all the same. "Gonna have to be a bit more specific there, Pete."

"You know exactly what I mean," he said, lining up his stone, narrowly missing Sirius'.

"You were always shit at this," he says, hitting Peter's stone and laughing as he was sprayed with acid.

"I refuse to wear glasses. I can deal with being a little short-sighted,” he said defiantly. “And don’t change the subject.”

“I'm not,” Sirius said, collecting his stone.

“Talk to Moony," he tells him. "Be honest with him.”

“Pete, I know you mean well, but it's probably better off if he thinks I’m just fooling. It might mean he’ll get over me.”

“Padfoot,” he said on a monotone. “Look at me.”

Sirius raised his head and a brow at him.

“You like him, right?” he asked, expression unreadable.

“Yeah,” he said, looking confused, and when that didn’t seem to be enough for Peter, he repeated himself, “I mean, yeah, I really do. Pretty sure I love him, you know that.”

“Okay. Do you want to be with him?” he asked, face still giving away no emotion.

“Yeah, but Pete, as I've said –“

“No, that’s not what I asked. I asked if you wanted to be with him.”

“Yes," he said, shoulders slumping forward like the confession had relieved a very heavy weight. "Yes I do.”

“Great. And now, just listen.

You like him, love him even. To the extent of my knowledge, the feeling is mutual. You want a relationship with him, and yes, I know you don’t think you’re good enough for him, or whatever shit it is you’ve got going on, and I’m not James, I’m not here to tell you that you’re a brilliant friend who's funny and charming and good looking and all that crap and is ‘worthy’ of him; I’m Peter, and I’m going to tell you that you’re being a selfish bugger, and that it isn’t fair for you to decide for him. You know how he feels, and he doesn’t. You’re effectively deciding what he wants by not telling him. That is selfish, Sirius.

And other than that, you also need to think, he does like me. And have you been anything other than your annoying, plonker of a self around him for these six years? I think not. Moony’s the kind of guy who’s bad at showing affection. He’s more the one you can tell is thinking ‘if this was anyone else I would be strangling them’ or something more passive aggressive. Yet he has yet to kill you for generally disrupting everything in his life, in the nicest possible way. So I think you need to rethink your view of Moony if you think your flaws are going to suddenly become apparent if you start dating and that it'll affect your relationship, or that even if you don’t work out, he'll stop being your friend. And this bullshit about being not good enough for him, like mate, yes Moony is a brilliant bloke and deserves the world, but in all honesty, would he really want it? All he wants is a mug of tea and to share a bar of Honeydukes finest with you, I’d say.”

Peter wondered if that was, aside from sleeping, the longest time Sirius had ever been silent.

“Th-thanks, Wormy," he mumbled, quiet.

“No problem, ya dick’ed.”

\--

The weekend came and went with only Lily tending to a stuttering and stumbling Marlene, and a smug Emmeline smirking at Hestia, who held in her hands a quickly written response that Fabian would be free to spend the next weekend with her if she wanted.

“We are a sad, sorry lot,” Sirius announced to the dorm room that night.

James grunted his agreement, Peter rolled over, and Remus rolled his eyes.

“You’re the saddest of us all, plonker,” James said, voice muffled by his pillow.

“I think you take crown, actually,” he replied lightly. “You’re finally conversing with your self proclaimed dream girl and haven’t even got the courage to ask ‘hey want to grab a pint at the Broomsticks with me on Saturday?’”

“I long ago recognized my sad and sorry-ness, which means I'm less," he reasoned. "Those who deny it or are only now realizing are sadder and sorrier. I.e. you.”

“Lovely as this is to listen to,” Remus interrupted, “but I would actually like to sleep. How 'bout you, Pete?”

“Couldn’t agree more, Moony. And sorry James, you do take the crown, but Sirius you are such a close second the line blurs sometimes. I'd say Remus is a low third and I the close fourth. Settled?” His tone suggested that there was no room for argument.

“Why are you fourth?” Sirius asked, affronted.

“Because I’m not currently pining over someone I could easily have if I grew a pair,” he replied easily.

“Neither is Sirius, though,” Remus said in his defense, not denying his own.

“Uh, yeah,” he coughed back, effectively silencing the room, awkward air lingering.

“Night everyone,” Peter called.

“I hate you,” Sirius grumbled back.

\--

“Are we okay?” Remus asked, head turning to look Sirius in the eye.

“Huh?” he replied, very eloquently.

“You’ve been off with me recently,” he said, frowning lightly, eyes betraying slight panic. “I haven’t upset you or anything, have I?”

Sirius had never felt a more overwhelming urge to punch himself point blank in the face more than he did presently.

“No, you’ve done nothing,” he said instead, pressing a kiss to his shoulder and shifting so he was resting himself more on Remus rather than the wood headboard of his bed.

“Let me know, okay? I worry. You can tell me anything," he assured.

Sirius wanted to cry. He was so fucking perfect it made his heart hurt. “Thanks, Moony," he said quietly.

It was then, he decided, he really needed to stop being so selfish and take some good advice from even better friends. "I really do love you, y’know.”

“It's alright, Sirius, I know,” he replied softly, settling down closer to him.

“No, I don’t think you do,” he said quickly, shifting up so he was opposite him, looking him in the eye. He had an urgency now, he needed Remus to know. He'd put the key in the lock, now all it needed was to be flung open.

“Hm?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“I mean it," he said earnestly. "I love you. Like really, honestly love you.”

“Sirius, its okay, I know you’d tell me if I'd done something to upset you. You don’t need to confirm our friendship or whatever.” He was looking at him with a guarded expression, confused, curious, but wary of where it may lead him.

Panic was rising like a bubble in Sirius’ chest. “No, listen, I mean it, honest to Merlin do I mean it. I love you, Remus John Lupin. I love you, your dumb wooly jumpers and stupid chords and ridiculous curly hair, and that little mole under your eye, and your bloody freckles, and you don’t even know, I’m pouring my heart out to you here and you’re probably telling yourself I mean it as friends, but I don’t, I mean, yes I love you as a friend, but I love you like a stupid, pining, sad, pathetic loser too, and its so frustrating you can't see that,” he blurted out frantically.

He was silent for a moment, then asked, “Did James and Peter tell you I liked you? Because you don’t have to reciprocate feelings, Sirius, telling someone, I care about you but not in 'that' way is okay to. I won't get upset."

“Oh my dear lord Merlin,” Sirius groaned, dropping himself back down onto Remus’ lap. “I give up. I try telling you how I feel and you still refuse to believe it. Its okay, I can pine for the rest of my life, take on Prongs’ role once him and Evans get together, the world might be thrown out of balance or something, all that longing suddenly gone, I can fill in for him. Live my life as a sad, sad Animagus who got shot down when he was seventeen, and still longs for the one who turned him down.”

“Stop being dramatic, Sirius,” he chided lightly.

He gave a deep sigh. “I'm always dramatic.”

Remus shifted, settling more into the bed. He didn’t really know what to say now. He was sure this was just Sirius’ reaction to finding out he held some affection for him, a momentary brain lapse that had left him convinced he was in love with him. He remembered a similar even in fifth year, Sirius writing to Mrs Potter every other week after she had taken him in, thanking her for being so kind and welcoming, telling her she didn't need to do that, she was not his parent; and having an unshakable bond with her since then. He couldn't blame him, growing up in a house like he did.

There was a brief silence, which Sirius broke. “Is there any way I can make you believe me?” he asked.

“Believe you?” he asked skeptically.

“For fuck's sake, Lupin," he snapped. "Yes, is there any way I can get it into your dense little bookish brain that I’m arse over tit for you?”

“I'm sure you’ve convinced yourself of this affection," he said honestly. "Give it a month and you’ll be over it. You’ll thank me later.”

“Really?" He raised his brows. "Because last time I checked I started fancying the pants off of you in third year.”

“Mhm," he hummed, closing his eyes and nodding his head. "Lovely, acne covered and lanky third year me.”

“Oh, you have no idea," he laughed. "You grew so quickly, and it was so adorable because all your trousers didn’t fit anymore so you had these like three inch jack ups, and you could see your perfectly pressed socks that were like, pristine white, and it was just so hilarious but so endearing and that’s when I thought, shit, why do I find Moony so cute. Why is he so lovely? Why is he so perfect? And I thought, hm, this is probably me being overly friendly again, but then I thought – I don’t find James cute. I think he’s fucking disgusting and mushy most of the time. When he does something Evans thinks is adorable I want to vomit. I don’t think Pete's cute, and lets face it, the tiny git is the cutest out of us all. Then I thought, do I like him? Is that why he’s so cute? And guess what? I did. Do. I do. I do like you. A lot. And I kind of want to cry because you don’t believe me. Because I know I make all these jokes and pretend to mope but honestly I feel like maybe,” he pinched his fingers together, “this small right now. It kind of sucks and I don’t like it. You don’t even have to do anything with this information. Just accept it. Accept that I am really, really, really, stupidly in the love with you.”

Remus was quiet for a while; looking at Sirius who was looking at him with the most adoring yet dismayed expression he had ever seen someone pull. “Sirius, are you sure? Because I really don’t want this to be a one month thing, with you realising that you really aren't in love with me and made a huge mistake, and it ruining our friendship. I don’t put myself on the line, ever, and this is me, putting myself on the line. Look at what you’re making me do, you utter twat.”

“Moony, I am more sure about this than I am that the Earth is round and the sky is blue.” He knew he sounded so corny and ridiculous, but he was beyond caring. Look at him, throwing his pride and dignity on the line for someone else. He was quite proud.

Remus’ eyes flicked towards the stairwell, his hands, and then back to Sirius. He looked scared, but the kind you get before you go on a rollercoaster – filled with adrenaline and excitement and practically shaking from the suspense. The amber of his eyes seemed to be alive, glistening and swirling.

Sirius was going to open his mouth to say something, like ‘its okay we don’t need to do anything, I’m just happy I told you’, or something along those lines of comfort, but he didn’t get the chance, as thin, chapped lips had pressed themselves against his own, making the words and all semblance of conscious thought die on his lips.

\--

“Evans! Evans, Evans, Evans, Evans, Evans!” James chanted that night, barreling towards her as she walked back from the library. She'd tried to study, but with the lack of James' presence, she had found it hard and even more tiresome. She was annoyed and fed up of this. James was an idiot and she was even more so.

“Yes, James?” she asked tiredly. She was giving up, she decided. James just didn’t like her. He couldn’t. There is no way this many hints could have been left for him, and subsequently ignored, if he wasn’t doing so on purpose.

“Why the long face?” he asked, far more sober of his joyful mood moments ago. Good, she thought.

“I'm tired and annoyed, thanks, Potter,” she grumbled, hiking her bag up higher on her shoulder and slowing down to walk in pace with him.

“Why the P bomb?" he asked. "I’m very content with you calling me James, lovely Lily.”

“Because you are tiring and aggravating me," she told him. She thought it would make her feel better, to let him know how much he was getting to her, but watching his face drop made her stomach do so in turn. "That is why you get the P bomb.”

“I'm sorry, I'll be quieter," he said, voice lowered. "I know you’re stressed and tired.”

Lily was ready to throw her copy of 'Advanced Charms: How To Get An E And Above' at him by this point, hoping it would knock some sense into him. It was a heavy book, after all.

Instead, she just groaned. Loudly. “I give up,” she moaned, throwing her head back and staring at the high ceilings of the west wing corridors.

“Lils, I came to be the bearer of good news, not have you be sad and mopey!" he exclaimed. "Come on, tell old Prongs the matter, I will gladly hex anyone’s balls off for ruining my lovely Lily’s day.”

“Go hex your own balls off then, you tosser,” she snapped, bringing her head back down and glaring at him.

“I shall gladly do so, as long as you tell me what I actually did? Just so I know not to do it in the future, lest I upset you again.” He shot her what she supposed he thought was a winning smile.

“See? That!” she cried, waving her arms frantically in his general direction. “You’re so fucking... you! How can you be this great?”

He frowned, confused. “… I'm sorry?”

“Yes, you should be bloody sorry!" she yelled, anger rising. "You can be this brilliant to my face, act as sweet as can be to me, but won't have the guts to tell me that you don’t like me back.” Her face flared, a mix of both the yelling and embarrassment at her confession.

James thought he misheard. Or was dreaming. He pinched his arm, just to make sure. And it bloody hurt, so that was ruled out.

“Why did you pinch yourself?” she asked, all her anger and frustration being replaced by fond bemusement.

“Just to check I'm not dreaming. Thought I might have dozed off in the common, or something,” he admitted, rubbing his arm where he had just pinched.

“Right,” she said, confused. That was not an appropriate answer to her outburst, she thought.

“But did I really hear you right?" he asked. "Do you, Lily Marie Evans, really think I, James Albert Potter, do not like you? Really.”

She thought she ought to feel ashamed, or mentally challenged; by the way James was speaking to her, which she didn’t appreciate. Lily Evans was not dumb, or wrong, or anything that could make her seem less than the highly accomplished student she was, thank you very much.

“Don’t put it like that. I know you like me," she said, shrugging. "But not romantically. Which is why I am frustrated. Because somehow, you’ve gone and made me think, oh, this prat's not so bad. Actually, I quite like him, and his face, and his body, and his stupid little quirks that would make me want to murder anyone else. So fuck you, Potter,” she spat, holding her ground and glaring furiously, despite the flush that she was fairly sure was full bodied by now.

James’ eyes widened in shock, and there was a beat of silence, before he started laughing. So much so he doubled over, and Lily could have sworn tears were in his eyes. She was beginning to think wapping him around the head with her book was sounding better by the second.

“Oh my good Godric, I love you so much,” he wheezed out. “Sweet Merlin, do I love you. Where else am I going to find a bird that tells me she likes me while simultaneously telling me to fuck myself? Oh, Circe, I love you.”

Lily, who was still quivering with embarrassment and anger, shot up straight, posture perfect and eyes wide.

James, still breathless from laughter, wiped his eyes from behind his frames and straightened up. “Well, that sure beats my news. Why are you always so much better than me at everything?”

“Always have been, always will,” she replied, her voice slightly shaky but usual demeanour back, despite her fiery face.

“That you are, my dear,” he agreed. “Anyway, all I was going to say was that I walked in on Pads and Moony mackin’ on each other. It was really weird, but sweet. I felt like a proud father or something. I was going to tell them so, but I started crying and Sirius threw his shoe at me, so I left. Then I thought, shit, lets go tell Lils! Then you were angry and told me you liked me and now I feel like there’s a little bubble in my chest and I really can't breathe because I'm so happy.” He grinned widely, looking at her with such affection and contentment she felt as though her stomach was on fire, warming the whole of her body, head to toe.

“Come here, you daft plonker,” she said affectionately, wrapping an arm round his neck to pull him down for a kiss.

He smiled into the kiss and she laughed against his neck.

Seventh year was still going to be hard, but right now, they were content.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u if u read this mess of a work and talk to me about head canons because im lonely and have no one to talk about gender/sexuality/ethnicities of characters with.


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